BGM? June 17, 2010: Better come correct or testicles will fly!


This could be a kellamity!


Only 4 weeks until wedding, 10 weeks until Baby Bryn and things are getting extremely busy for our beloved Bravo Queen of Snarkiness and One-liners™. In this second episode of BGM? we met Shawn the wedding planner, see B handle her in-laws with Hoppy still out of town, wedding gown shopping, wedding registry guns, the Dog Whisperer 2.5, a Skinnygirl speaking engagement, and wedding venue shopping..geezus that was a lot in one episode, so let’s jump in!   

When B described Shawn as a “trust me guy” I completely get it. These people are everywhere, but especially prevailent in the service industry, no? Trust me, I know people! Trust me, I have connections! Trust me, I can make this event happen even if I have no clue on your vision although you you have repeatedly told me while being filmed. Shawn may or may not have eaten at the Four Seasons. All I can say is I would NOT hire any event planner who claims they can replicate an establishment’s ambiance who hasn’t eaten at their before, would you? Shawn already looks like a deer in headlights and it’s just beginning, folks!    
How sweet was B asking Hoppy’s mom Carol to go wedding dress shopping with her? And Hoppy’s brother, RIP…like any of us need another reason to love Jason more, right? The tones down B was nice to see, wasn’t it? B is still B even if B is being more restrained with the in-laws and I dug it. LENT! I’d be lying if the same thing doesn’t happen to me every year, although I’m not Catholic it never ceases to amaze me how I can remember Lent but the other half conveniently forgets every single year…right along with Ash Wednesday..Father’s Day…Mother’s Day…need I continue? Yes, nice save there not serving bacon to religious people on a religious day those of us who don’t really practice don’t give a shit about.      


Shotgun wedding = I don’t give a damn if I gave him the milk for free first! Once again, I applaud Bethenny for recognizing the situation for what it is and embracing it. And wow, the revised manuscript being due in 4 weeks as well is not the kind of additional stress any bride needs, much less a pregnant bride also filming a tv show but chalk it up to the game – this one show alone probably paid for their entire wedding so book sales are just extra pennies for these folks. AmsaleDOES have beautiful dresses…I fell in love with a platinum number that I could not convince my mother to buy to save my life. Awwwwww Bethenny looked absolutely beautiful in that dress! It’s true, when a bride-to-be spots a gown and has “the moment,” there is no turning back from that point. B was radiant upon spotting that first Amsale gown and collective AWWW @ Hoppy’s adorable mom! Ughh I’m such an emotional sap it’s not even funny. Buck up mama!!!


Is this THE one, B?

When Mrs. Hoppy 1.0 AKA Carol said B is like the daughter she never had and she hopes they could give B the family’s she’s been missing all these years, I absolutely friggin lost it! How long has it been since Bravo had a truly positive reality show….has Bravo EVER had one? I.LOVE.THIS.SHOW! (can u tell? About time our resident “underdog” gets her chance to shine!)     Now it’s back to official Skinnygirl business and Max says mingle, people! Jewish ladies DO love the single Jewish guy…have you ever heard of J-Date? If not, you must be living under a rock because there are cultural pop references aplenty about J-Date. And I also know people who have met and gotten married from J-Date. When two Jews connect, it’s Mazelful, I can’t make this shit up! However, Bethenny does needs to TRAIN Max. This is his first real job, much less first assistant’s job, so teach him your preferences…yes I was quite aware Max was overwhelmed and not paying attention to his duties; for example, Max should have been aware of the run time of B’s talk so that he could have the car waiting for her – she is pregnant and not necessarily being paid for anything more than a simple speaking engagement with no mingling afterwards.   


Cookie is adorable, loud but adorable nonetheless. And yes, I complete subscribe to animals picking up behavioral cues from their owners – like B ever really had many people in her personal space in the past to allow Cookie opportunities to be around other people. That is also why I get why Cookie like Jason is a big deal (if you are not a pet owner, I know it sounds weird, but I am and I get it). LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOO and does the skincare guy really have roescia but is using the chemical peel as a cover? No matter which way you look at it, the skincare guys face was NOT a good look at all. I wonder if he did that knowing he would be filmed? As much as I want to post a pic of that guy’s mug and B’s reaction shot, I do not want to lose visitors over that nastiness. Let’s call skincare guy’s face the Danielle’s deformed implant of BGM?, shall we?      
Hahahaha Hoppy wants the registry gun and no, I do not believe B & Hoppy look like napkin ring people, do you? I love B, but sometimes I am thoroughly shocked and entertained at the fact she is so not into wedding details to the point she had no idea what registering at a store like Bloomingdale’s would be like. There have been times when I registered and certain stores a room at a time, taking 5-6 visits just to have a wider prince range. Yes, I like have a good mix of price points, but here’s hoping those rich relatives/friends/associates pick up the more expensive stemware or place settings. I am still holding out on someone buying me that really nice set of Henckles knives I’ve been wanting for 11+ years now…so I fully support two people who have money being realistic about the cost of their registry items. I also found it refreshing B & Hoppy registered at Bloomie’s as opposed to Tiffany’s, don’t you?       

Is it just me or does Shawn the wedding planner remind you of Buster Bluth from Arrested Development? (Photo: BuddyTV/Tony Hale)

Shawn’s first choice of wedding venue = the same loft used on last season’s I Wanna Work for Diddy. Seriously, WTF gave Shawn the impression that, with less than 3.5 weeks to go, B wants Shawn to somehow fully create an event in what was basically a blank canvas? Is this Shawn’s first event? Was he bullshitting when he was namedropping? Are you still distracted over how much Shawn resembles Buster Bluth? I know, I am too, but if you are a fan of AD you would also recognize how similar Shawn’s gestures and expressions are to Tony Hale’s Buster, so here’s hoping you found Shawn as extra entertaining as I did!    

Shawn: If I was Max, I would be terrified and I would be surprised if he still had both of his balls. Again at the Four Seasons, Max mentions B ripping off testicles. All I can hope for is that if and when Bethenny does it, she does it while filming…and then tapes a nice snarky confessional about how a man should know better than to fuck with a pregnant old broad who is working fulltime while revising a novel and planning a wedding – the men on BGM? have BETTER come correct, right people!      
And for those people who always thought Bethenny was such an uptight & cold bitch when it came to motherhood and working..I was pleasantly surprised to see this in B’s most recent Bravo blog: “Cheers to all of you mothers: it is the most difficult thing I have ever done in my life. You always ask me about how to start and run a business. All of you who have children and are successful at it could do anything to set your mind to.” For those people like me who do not/cannot have children, you never really comprehend all the work that goes into raising children until you are fortunate (or perhaps smart enough not to lol) have your own. I’d like to take this as a sign of the newer, more mature Bethenny who is recognizing it’s not all about business all of the time (I’m looking at YOU & THE BOOK, Jill Zarin!)…And be sure to be on the lookout for Max’s new single from CountLess’ tone-deaf producer (my friends) !! “Old Mc Donald had a farm, e-i, e-i MILF. With a MILF, MILF here and a MILF, MILF there, here a MILF, there a MILF, everywhere a MILF, MILF.”      


I enjoyed this week’s ep, did you? I have to admit, I’m looking forward to see Bethenny hand someone his balls, aren’t you? P.S. My generation grinds, especially after an open bar. Does yours?   

  • Trackback are closed
  • Comments (1)
    • Jen
    • June 19th, 2010

    Loved it!

Comments are closed.
%d bloggers like this: