RHoNJ May 24, 2010 – Even I Need an Epidural

Wow. Where to begin? I guess since we were forced to see them a lot this ep, I’ll start with Greasy Joe & T-Man (“Juicy” Joe and Teresa, for my new readers). Greasy Joe has coffee BEFORE going to the hospital, leaving his wife to walk around that giant mausoleum with “pressure down there,” but that doesn’t stop T-Man from making her other spawns breakfast first. Now I know from being married to a DOminican, there’s some things a man just won’t do such as…..COOKING. LMAO seriously, does Greasy Joe know how to do anything BUT chop garlic? He’s been thru this 3 previous times and he can’t even OFFER to keep the other kids while his wife packs like they are going away on a cruise instead of a hospital? And again, who does Greasy Joe drive with that steroidian, tree trunk neck? Talk about having a blind spot! No wonder his ass got a DUI…but I’m curious if Joe needs assistance climbing up in their truck. Do the foot panels extend out or does he have one of those plastic stepstools that children use to reach the sink? You know that if Greasy Joe sits on a stool or high chair his feet will be swinging in defeat…but I have it on good authority that THIS is pretty much the limit of Greasy Joe’s neck turning radius. SEE? Talk about havng a blind spot while driving an Escalade/Navigator (I can’t even tell what type of truck it is, they all look alike except the Manzo mob’s Suburban…once again a la Sopranos. Do these folks even know the show is OVER or are they trying to bring it back like sexy? Hello people Carmela Soprano has since chopped off her hair and is popping every pill imaginable on Nurse Jackie, WhyTheFace do you continue to fulfill practically EVERY mob stereotype imaginable and then get offended altho Big Daddy Manzo was found murdered in a trunk, Mob-style!?!?! Just sayin. If I EVER appear missing for more than 24 hours online (FB or Twitter), my friends know well enough to be concerned. JUST SAYIN’)Teresa is WAY TMI for my taste…good gawd woman WE don’t give a shit about you having the runs OR pressure “down there” (pun intended). OMG did we really have to see the epidural? I saw more of a birth on this show than I do on A Baby Story! “Is my makeup messed up?” No, but your hairline is, biatch. I’m sorry, my personal infertility issues aside, I do not want to see T-man give birth….I cannot be empathetic to a woman delivering her 4th child after telling us her and her husband do it constantly. Since T-Man mentioned this was her “last” child (which we ALL know is a lie cuz what Italian or Latino man doesn’t want a son) it’s obvious these folks aren’t into the whole Catholic-no-birth control thing IF T-Man mentions there are to be no more, yet I’m supposed to emphasize with this bitch’s labor? GTFO, I made up a drinking game to go along with her suffering AND enjoyed every minute of her crying & screaming. Again, my infertility afford me such pleasures…say what you want but I enjoy watching someone I don’t like in pain…perhaps I need to think about going into politics or something.

“We don’t own a car wash, so we can’t put him on a car wash but we know people who do…” Caroline – Carmela Soprano called and she wants her schtick back. I hate to admit it, but I’ve always like Big Al (Caroline Soprano’s hubby). Although he is a Manzo and I’m not a big fan of the Manzos, Big Al appears to have his head on the straightest…while we know none of them like Danielle, we hear the least negative stuff out of Big Al so he is officially the Bobby Z. of RHoNJ. And yes, I’m aware that would make Caroline Soprano the Jill Zarin of NJ, which I find fitting if you think about it. Can’t you see Caroline spending an afternoon making a lasagna and bringing it to someone only to throw it in the trash when she sees the person say or do something she doesn’t like a la the Priest who accepted Jackie Sr.’s watch from Rosalie.

The unprodigal daughter returns! I’m sorry but it seems like Ashley’s rebellion REALLY, truly went into hyperspeed once Jac got preggo with the Fat Nicholas (again, it’s vajayjay u whores…Chucky? Ughhh). I actually feel bad for her but what do parents expect when they pull the ole “if you don’t like our rules, you can leave!” I know I left when my parents pulled that shyt – then again my parents weren’t still paying a car note on a new Range Rover and now she’s shacking up with a dude that works at Blockbuster! Funniest thing Jac has said to date “there are still Blockbusters?” Word Jac, I’ve been rolling with Netflix for 5+ years and every time I go near or in a blockbuster (usually for a game) I get the skeevs. Prolly due to the fact they never seem to regular clean the carpets and the place stinks IMO.

WTF is Caroline smoking “classy, not trashy strippers!” Ummm last time I checked, either way the hobag is taking her clothes off, no? (How much you want to bet that skeevy guy getting a lapdance is married and/or snuck out and totally is going to get busted by his wife once she sees/hears about this week’s ep? Everyone in their momma up here watches this show cuz chances are you will see either someone or something you know, kwim?)

First Moments with Audriana Guidice:

T-Man: What she we name her?

Greasy Joe: I don’t care.

I can’t make this shit up people! Greasy Joe was probably already calculating how to get his newborn daughter a no-show job for his “construction company.”

Since Dina’s husband Tommy is shacking up with some local hobag and refuses to be on the show AND Lexi magically disappeared, did someone tell Dina she can be attempt to be RHoNJ’s Bethenny and just pop up for one-liners? I didn’t get that memo and I don’t like it one bit, but I will say I’ve always liked Dina’s spunk and she gained a smidgen of my respect but NOT talk about Danielle at the Sheriff’s fundraiser although with editing, who really knows.

*sigh* ahh Danielle. Ironically I completely get why the fundraiser would take place at the Brownstone. A baby is sick, the family needs money, and the Brownstone is a great way to get people with together, especially if a money laundering opportunity presents itself – similar to the Sheriff’s fundraiser. Just sayin’, you will always see me defending Danielle…call it ME rooting for the underdog or the fact lawd knows my past is checkered at best, so who am I to judge her? If Danielle crosses a line, I have no problem saying so but you will NEVER see, hear, or read me say I support the Manzos or their bully tactics. Sorry, I hate to say “Team” anything but I AM in Danielle’s camp.

Is it just me or does Caroline just pissed that Dina wants to follow Zen Jen’s advice RATHER than listen to her…interesting that Caroline admits that perhaps Danielle won’t leave her alone BECAUSE she keeps talking about her. Penace my ass, we finally have a bitch actually admit that yes, perhaps its MY fault this trick won’t leave us alone. Oh yea, and the fact they continue to be on the same tv show although no one appear to really need to money BUT Danielle! Have you seen Caroline’s Bravo blog yet? “Don’t Ask! Caroline explains why she rather be a bully than a coward.” Last time I checked mofoes can get JAIL TIME for bullying so who does Caroline Soprano think she is? I dunno about you guys, but often I want to punch her right in one her enormously tear-shaped tit! And wtf is up with that old ass Playtex bra she’s wearing in the kitchen scene in which she tears Big Al a new one of the fact HIS friends, whom she claims not to even know, are friends with Danielle! Seriously, it’s apparent Big Al isnt’ the biggest Danielle fan but at least he can just say it without all the extra nonsense Caroline loves to add for drama. Seriously, isnt’ it apparent that T-Man and Caroline ARE the biggest drama queens of the NJ franchise? Can T-Man get out from under Caroline for one minute and have an original thought, or does her hairline cut off some oxygen to her brain?

Beverly…Angela….Merrill…Staub. Touché, Jac, touché! Even I couldn’t notice the snarky smile and the twinkle in your eye. I don’t’ mind it as long as it’s ORGANIC – let this be a sight into the real you and not the Manzo stick up your ass pulling the strings. However, aren’t 2 of the names first names and two last names? Considering how often these women get married and divorced, I’m thinking it’s a cheap shot to bring up a person changing their last name – however, if even HALF of the crap in CWAB is true, who could blame ANYONE for changing their name out of fear for their life (whether she “snitched” or not, she may not even be alive today if she didnt’ change her name, point blank).

Danny & John – I’ve known people just like them. Even I’m smart enough to know not to fuck with them. Moving on…

And just sayin, I will continue to say “Just Sayin” until Tommy makes a reappearance on the show OR Caroline grows up and stops defaming Danielle all over Franklin Lakes. Or Greasy Joe suddenly has a growth spurt. Or T-man gets her tubes tied (I would love, love, LOVE it if that hobag stfu about doing the horizontal mambo with the UCF fighter Joe). OR if Kelly finally understands the fact the alcohol, gummi bears, jelly beans, and lollipops are INDEED processed). Just sayin…ALL of the RHoNJ housewives give me agitta, but I wouldn’t miss watching their trainwreck for ANYTHING….as we say in NY, New Jersey is the home of the bridge & tunnel crowd and refineries that smell like ass – no wonder these ladies feel right at home in the Garden State.

On that note, I want to give a BIG shout to LynnNChicago, whom I became friendly with during the beginning of Amazongate. Although she is the queen of RHoNJ & lives for her hatred of Jill Zarin, she has a heart (unlike myself, but hey, she’s a mom and I’m barren as the driven snow so…I don’t give a shit about talking about the children IF it is necessary to the ep. I have no shame and apparently to scruples, ahhh c’est la vie!)

You can check out Lynn’s latest blog here, which includes one last post on RHoNJ (altho she may pop back now & then when something good happens). We are definitely working on collaborating efforts regarding all of the Real Housewives series, so without doubt follow both of us if you REALLY want to stay in the loop. Don’t forget to follow us both on Twitter as well (and before you ask “what are your name on Twitter?” our names are OUR names on Twitter, duh! Branding is a fundamental blogging point, people lol. If I’m going to do it I’m not going to do it half-assed).

And finally, I just have to share that this morning I gained a new Twitter follower! 6:26 AM Kelly K. Bensimon (kikilet) is now following your tweets on Twitter.

I was going to send her a welcome tweet, but then again she might think my tweet was out to kill her so I refrained! *waving* HIIIIIIIII Kelly! If you don’t like what I have to say, feel free to call Al Sharption, choke on a gummi bear and ZIP IT!

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  • Comments (8)
    • vilzvet
    • May 25th, 2010

    Cool, another great blogger to enjoy! Love ya Toni, glad you will be working with Lynn.

    • mrtinigrl
    • May 25th, 2010

    Ahhh, I love reading your recaps in the morning with my coffee.
    So, was Danielle getting asked to speak at the fundraiser instigated by Bravo? And if so…completely tacky. We all know next week will get ugly. That will be a shame since its raising money for a sick child. Caroline’s behavior about it last night was already disgusting. It’s not a cotillion she is crashing.
    I’m glad someone else sees the nastiness that is Theresa. I dont understand all the people that gush over her and about her. She has the worst priorities of any female and she shouldnt be allowed to raise any girls–or children for that matter. Her girls are the brattiest kids I have ever seen. I pity the people that have to put up with those kids in school and life. Wait, we know that 2 of them are bratty. Im not sure about the one that almost looks blonde and doesnt look like she is their child. She is the only one we havent seen have a meltdown/tantrum or complete spazz-out over NOTHING!
    While its clear that Danielle has issues, there is NO reason for the hatred that the Manzos direct at her. No reason. What is the turn around with Jacqueline? She seemed the most level headed and now she is being the little Caroline puppet. She is another person who should not be getting Mom of the Year. Let’s stress over more children while ignoring the oldest. And then when you try to set up boundaries and rules, you backtrack and still buy her a car and give her what she wants. Her boyfriend may be working at Blockbuster, but that girl is still getting a generous “allowance” and drops of her laundry for their housekeeper to do. (We all know Jac isnt doing it!). Its too bad that she is becoming like the Manzo women. They are vicious bullies and someone needs to put them in their place or tell them to “zip it”.

    • Lmaooooo did u REALLY say one of T-Man’s kids doesn’t look like her? Gtfo I’m thinking that third child they often hide is the mailman’s kid or SOMETHING cuz she doesn’t look like the others NOR has Joe’s ginormous neck or midgety stature hahahha I heart u girl, I truly do! U made me bust out LMAO on Amtrak!

    • mrtinigrl
    • May 25th, 2010

    Oh…and the title is PERFECT. 6 years ago, I was getting my first epidural. I can telling you I was NOT crying like a stuck pig when it happened. It wasn’t even painful and the drugs were such a relief. She’s a wuss.
    And I could not stop laughing when Joe said something like: “I hope I dont throw up my cheeseburger”. Yeah, way to be supportive. What a lazy thick neck inconsiderate ass.

  1. Thank-you for committing to NJ! I’m not going to call Lynn a chicken, but I can see why she decided to “fugeddaboutit”.
    Was Juicy Joe dwarfed by the scenery last night or what? I was thinking the same thing as you were.
    I bet he’s wishing he signed-up for “The Little Chocolatiers” instead-of this hot mess.
    I have complaints about this entire cast. I think my fave right now is Christine, or maybe Danielle’s other Daughter.-just ’cause they’re trying so hard to do what their mom wants, and they seem like good girls.
    Danielle? Oh Heck No. Look at the people she brings into her life.
    I can see why the Manzos want nothing to do with her. Plus, did you read what Danielle wrote on her Bravo blog this week?
    She threatened to blab the confidential info. that Jackie told her when they were friendly.-(yuk)
    There is no way that you are going to convince me to get on the Danielle band-wagon! But I respect your opinion & I can see why you like her. (I’m going to try & convince you otherwise-do I have to make a list?).
    Thanks for the link!

    • AliP
    • May 26th, 2010

    Okay Toni, I am calling you out to help all of us who are dying to know what the pain in the ass Ashley said on twitter… Help a sista out… What did she say that caused all the drama. I know that Lynn wont say but please please please do you have the 411 on this?

    • I am SO on it.. lmao I’ve been on it. I actually had a direct reply from a RH today cuz I called her on some bullshit lol

        • AliP
        • May 26th, 2010

        I straight up love it…. I cant wait for the scoop I cant imagine what could be so bad that Lynn would not repeat it… Love the blog… You are so freaking funny…

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