RHoNY, May 20, 2010 – What a Kellamity!!!!

As I’ve made my blog troll rounds, it’s apparent that many people are refraining from being excessively mean-spirited when it comes to describing this ep OR Kelly’s meltdown. I, on the other hand, do not give a shit and full intend to laugh, mock, and ridicule Kelly without hesitation? Why? Quite simple actually – we didn’t give Britney Spears, Lindsay Lohan, or Martin Lawrence a break when they started their melt-down/breakdown/trip down the 5150 lane and most of us LIKE them, so who the fuck is Kelly, really? Nothing more than a divorced beard for one of the most talented photographers alive today. That’s it if you really think about it. So on that note, let’s get into it, shall we? 

Holy shit – seriously WTF is Kelly on? She needs an intervention more than Towelie’s  or Tyronne Biggums. This fugly, tanorexic bitch is certifiable Bat Shit Crazy (BSC)…no wonder Giles Bensimon would rather be seen on RHoNJ than anywhere on film next to Kelly’s delusional ass! If I was Alex, I’d be scared of Kelly & her fucking camera too.  And in retrospect, A LOT of Kelly’s behavior has warranted a 5150 hold, such as:

–      I’m UP HERE, you’re down here

–      Jogging in front of (and with, rather than against) NYC traffic

–      Her inability to mathematically calculate that she was NOT in the 40th anniversary edition of Playboy

–      The fact her children even realize she’s BSC & therefore speak to Kelly slowly and emphatically every occasion we have seen them on the show

–      She names one daughter Sea…yet tries to play it off like it’s pronounced SEE-YA. What the fuck kind of shit is that? The White equivalent of ShaNeNe or some bullshit? Sea is pronounced SEA, just like chicken of…..which is technically processed just like the Corona, Patron, gummi bears, jelly beans, and lollipop this dumbass skank Kelly eats but claims not to eat. Are you confused too? Doesn’t anyone notice this I feel like I’m taking crazy pills!!!

Last but certainly not least, my FAVORITE Kellisms from this week’s ep:

  • Satchels of gold!
  • ZIP IT!
  • Bethenny: You can’t handle the truth!       Kelly: AL SHARPTON! 

 Umm, is it just me, or is being called “Madonna” sounding pretty good in retrospect, Kells? 

Needless to say Sonja saved the day! I just like this cougar, don’t you? She’s sassy, she’s sexy, she’s rich & single, and next to Bethenny she is the most authentic and real woman on ANY of the Real Housewives series to date!  Loved how Ramona, Alex, and B hauled ass back into the house and B FINALLY received confirmation that Kelly is a complete and utter nut job (B TOLD you so last season, heffas)! The less JZ and CountLESS, the better, don’t you think? Jill needs to go hawk some more wares & pimp that crappy book, NOT drag the wonderful Bobby to Ramona’s getaway like this was RHoOC! Seriously, u decline the invite that was extended to you personally and THEN suddenly pop up with your hubby in tow? WTF is Jill the new Alexis/Tamra hybrid? 

Here is some invitation etiquette according to the Emily Post Institute:

Is that your final answer?

  • Changing a ‘no’ to a ‘yes’ is OK only if it will not upset the hosts’ arrangements.

“May I bring…”

Don’t even ask! An invitation is extended to the people the hosts want to invite—and no one else.

  • …a date. Some invitations indicate that you may invite a guest or date (Mr. John Evans and Guest) and when you reply, you should indicate whether you are bringing someone, and convey their name.  

Question: What’s ruder than yakking on your cell phone in a restaurant?

Answer: Bringing an uninvited guest to an event.

It seems that many people today have forgotten that invitations are issued only to the people whose names are on the envelope. The Emily Post Institute has had a deluge of letters lately from dismayed hosts and hostesses who have had to cope with uninvited guests. In some cases it’s just a question of annoyance or social embarrassment; in others it’s a matter of considerable additional expense. 

What’s the big deal, you ask?

Sadly, nowadays when many people receive an invitation they assume that they can bring their husband/date/fiancé and, if they have children, each of them as well.  Well, they can’t.  In fact, it is the height of rudeness if they do. 

So now you know! Considering the preview editing and Jill mentioning she had to go to St. Barts anyway, Bobby Z. (as well as Jill) may technically not be “staying guests” if they have their own accommodations; however, in certain circles of fabulous friends, Jill’s popping up with or without Bobby, even just to stop by, is still CLASSLESS. Just like Kelly not being able to function a cell phone IN a room rather during an outdoor cocktail hour before dinner prepared by our fave natural foods chef (not a cook) Bethenny. My mother worked in admissions at Johnson & Wales when I was younger than 13 and even I know that if you go to culinary school = chef. So to answer you Kelly, YES going to culinary school does a chef make!

Seriously, if Giles lives in the same building as Kelly I think it’s time for that intervention before she shaves her head bald like Britney and starts jogging in the middle of Lexington butt ass naked….with those manly shoulders peeling from lack of sunscreen and yelling “ZIP IT!” to honking yellow cabs.

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